Without Dash

It was some years back that I read some article which had a great impact on my married life. Positively, I have to say. It was written by a man and titled something like “What a man wants…”. I can’t find the article back and so I do not know who to credit for something that was a major eye opener for me.

When we women think about ‘what a man wants’, the first things coming to our minds are physical, and involving one or more beautiful women. We are very biased when it coming to reading a man’s mind, thinking that they are unemotional beings preoccupied with a single purpose of life. We cannot be more wrong.

So, what do men really want? According to that article and others that I read later on, men want to be a hero and a winner. This does explain why men love sports, action movies, fast cars, and all of the like. But most of all, it gives us a much better insight in their minds.

All that a man wants is being respected, admired and appreciated. And he needs constant reminding of the fact that he is a real man. This is not surprising, since our men are also always the ones that need to do our dangerous jobs and hard tasks. If you hear a strange sound coming from the garage in the middle of the night, would you go and check what is going on, or would you send the man of the house to go and check? Your parnter goes, right? It takes self confidence in men to go and protect his family. To feed that self confidence, men need to be fed with respect, admiration and appreciation.

It is easy to imagine that men are not as complicated as we women are, but in truth, they do not have very different demands and most of all want to be understood, respected and appreciated. They just don’t show that they need this as much as we do. Or as men would say: they don’t whine about it. A man who feels useless and misunderstood is very likely to stray, probably without warning and very likely without the wife ever knowing about it. To empower that statement, research shows that 92% of men that cheated on their wives did so because they felt underappreciated at home.

We have to start securing our relationships by showing that we care and that our partners are appreciated. The best way to do this is by talking. Now, you might say: “men don’t talk”, which is a common accusation that women use to explain the silences at home. However, this is also not true. Men do talk, and a lot too. Studies show us that men do actually talk a lot more than women, as long as someone listens and is interested.

Just try giving a little compliment to a man: “You look good today, is that a new shirt?” Or “You did a great job fixing the washing machine, honey. I’m lucky to have you around”. You will notice from the reactions how men strive on thoughtful gestures and the feeling of being valued.

You can see also what will happen, if you do not treat your man as a hero. “I hope you did not throw your dirty clothes on the floor again!” or worst of all; embarrassing him in front of his friends or family by telling a private secret or discussing private matters with everyone present. But just by not acknowledging the things that he does for you; you can make your partner feel useless and underappreciated.

Showing appreciation can be done through talking and listening. Talk with each other and give your partner that mental lift that he needs so much. It makes him feel better, it makes you feel better to focus on the good thing, and you will get more appreciation in return as well. If we don’t take this first step, perhaps someone else will…

Tags: Romance and Relationships