Without Dash

In the nineteenth century, the Seven-Year Itch was a term for scabies, a contagious skin infection. The term was later used as name for a fixture of advice columns, but was made famous by the 1955 movie starring Marilyn Monroe (of which we all know the famous shot with the blowing dress). The movie had nothing to do with skin infections, but all with infidelity.

Ever since 1955, people have referred to the Seven-Year Itch as the point in a relationship where the partners start to wonder what they are doing in that relationship. The part where the quality in the relationship seems to go in steep decline; the part where a secretary in the office starts to look more attractive than the spouse at home.

Psychologists, therapists, and a few serious studies tell that the Seven-Year Itch is partly true and partly myth. Statistics somewhat confirm the idea of seven years; median duration of marriage 7.2 years, average first marriages that end in divorce last about 8 years, a decline in quality reported by 93 married couples around year eight, etc. However, many people will feel that the honeymoon effect has already worn off way before that and might feel itchy at the fifth year of marriage.

Truth is that almost all relationships will have period in which both partners are dissatisfied, bored, or simply too busy for each other and reality sets in. It gets harder to overlook the fact that there are dirty socks all over the house and the fridge is not closed, or empty beer cans are not in the recycling bin. And what used to be exiting has become predictable. Human beings are given to change and we all get curious to how things could be different.

Additionally, many couples have one or more children after seven years of marriage. And several studies give evidence that couples with children experience a steeper decline in marital quality than couples without children. Young kids require lots of attention and supervision, which leaves less time and energy for the partner, not to mention sexual affection. And there is an extra issue to argue about.

The first step is to prepare yourself for the Seven-Year Itch by adjusting your expectations. We are not living in a Hollywood movie. In real life people do not just live happily ever after in a long romantic honeymoon. Adjust your expectations and know that declines in the quality of a relationship are normal. Keep your level of commitment high by keeping your expectations realistic.

Having silent passions with other people and feeling tempted to betray your spouse is actually a normal feeling. It does not make you wrong or less human when someone else catches your attention. Acting on those infatuations, however, is not the right thing to do. You must understand the consequences of infidelity. Rebuilding of trust is almost impossible. Instead, recognize that your continuing fantasies are an indicator that something is wrong in your current relationship.

Make special efforts to focus your attention on the relationship. This seems a pretty obvious key to longevity of your marriage, but is most overlooked. Especially couples with children will have to put in an extra effort to spend time together and give attention to each other. Set time aside to talk every day. Get dressed up and go out on a date. Participate together in exciting activities; do something new or challenging. Keep the relationship alive and do not succumb to the Itch!

Tags: Romance and Relationships