Without Dash

If you have read my previous article on saying ‘No’ and decided that it is time to start thinking about yourself, you might have bumped into some resistance. This is very normal, like I already mentioned in the previous article. How good your idea might be, not everyone will accept it immediately. This is not only about saying ‘No’, but about all changes that you make in your life, whether it is quit smoking or moving to another county or country.

When people come up with a great idea or resolution, they are often so taken by it that they want to take action right away. Their surroundings, however, are not always happy with these sudden changes and tend to resist.

First of all, you just started to behave differently and this might seem a little fake or forced to others. If others are used to you saying ‘yes’ to everything, it does take a little exercise to give them a definite ‘no’. The first few ‘no’s’ will probably sound like you are not sure about it yet, or opposite a little too aggressive.

Next to that is the fact that the other person reacts from their own emotional self, one that does not feel secure with your changes. Especially women like to bring other people down to ensure that everyone is equal. The thought is that every individual who is positively changing should be dragged back down, because otherwise the ones left are expected to change as well in order to stay equal.

It is important to realize that the people around you did not make this choice, but you did. Try to discuss your changes with the ones close to you and detect resistance before you make changes. Show the advantages of your change, give others space to get used to the new you, and explicitly ask for support.

The negative reactions of these people are often a reason not to change, but this is the time to ask yourself what is most important to you. Sometimes the change is not a good idea after all, but of the times you will see that the change can be painful. What you are actually doing is mentally separating from the people who keep confirming your old behavior. Either they will come round and see that the change is good and important for you, or in the worst case you will lose someone over the issue. In that case you should realize that this is their choice as much as yours and all you can do is respect that they cannot change, like you expect other to respect you for your changes.

Tags: self improvement

An old monk and a young monk are walking along a stream. At the point where the road and the stream cross, a woman is standing. She asks if the monks can help her cross the stream. The old monk does not hesitate, but carries the woman across the stream. That night, when the monks [...]