Without Dash

As a child we might have wondered why men all sit at one side of the room and women on the other side at a party. You might have noticed then already that the subject of conversation and the tones used on both ends of the room was quite different. As a child you simply accepted the difference. As a teenager and young adult, you often questioned the division and found that you could mix very well at parties with your friends. But as you grow towards (and beyond) your forties, you find that it is not a bad idea after all to sit separately. After all, with women together we never lack a nice conversation. Something we find harder to get with men as they get older.

Why are men in their forties so boring? The older we get, the more selfish we get and people show less interest in anything other than themselves. Add this up with the fact that genetically men cannot understand non-verbal signals, you see why they don’t realize that others are not very interested by their story. Or do you think the problem lies with us? That we women hold on to the prejudice that you can’t talk with men (or at least not as we would want) and give up trying after some age?

It is common knowledge that men do not communicate in the same way as women. In short you can conclude that men talk with a purpose while for women the purpose is to talk. Men exchange information, while women try to connect to each other and create intimacy. In the female brain, language and emotions are developed in the same area. For men, these two are separated, which makes it very difficult for them to turn feelings into words. Do not ask a man how he feels, because he simply doesn’t know. But he will have an opinion!

Men exaggerate by making the facts larger than they really are, which women see as boasting. At the same time women are great at emotional overstatements. ‘I have told you a thousand times already!’ is a typical female expression. Men take this literally and argue this, because they can’t understand the emotion behind the ‘thousand times’.

When a woman addresses a problem with a man, he thinks that she wants a solution to the problem as fast as possible. And they will give one immediately, after which the conversation ends. This is because men are focused on the goal, the solution. However, the woman will feel rejected, because she only addressed the problem to share her story. She wants someone to listen and tell the whole story from start to end. A solution is not that important to her, all she wants is talk about it.

For a long time people thought that men talk less than women, but research shows that this is not true. Men talk more than women! However, women get more satisfaction from their talking. Apparently, talking activates the reward centre of the brain and large amounts of dopamine and oxycitin are produced. Oxycitin has a role in female orgasms, so it would not be strange if women actually talked more.

So, what are we going to do about these differences? Because as a woman you must understand that it will be up to us again to do something about it. Why us? Well, what do you want? Do you want to ‘win’ or do you want to have a good relationship with the other sex? Besides, we are the ones with the communication skills.

Knowing that there are differences between men and women is not enough. You have to accept it. And as many men will tell you, give up your typical female characteristics of giving advice to a man, trying to help a man, and criticizing a man. A man who is appreciated and feels genuine interest will notice that you are not trying to change him and stop resisting so hard. If you give first, you will get something in return.

Tags: Romance and Relationships