It is just a first phase when meeting a person turns into a relationship. In the start everything will be great and exciting. Both partners are in love and want to do everything together. But after a while the butterflies will be gone and the relationship will become more normal and seem more obvious. You will start to find out that your partner has some negative sides as well. When he seemed very confident before, he looks more like a control freak now, or when you thought he was so sweet and caring, he might look like a sissy now.
Question is if you want to stay together in spite of the negative sides. Even though you care for each other, it does not need to mean that you make a great couple and need to stay together. To make the right decision, you will have to have a close look at:
- Respect: Do you accept each other? Or are you trying to change the other person? Do you treat each other with respect?
- Emotional connection: Do you feel emotionally connected with your partner? Can you talk about your feelings? Do you do fun things together?
- Conflicts: Can you solve conflicts easily? Are you both able to compromise?
- Sex: Can you talk about your sexual desires and limits? Are you still on the same page about how, where and how often?
- Self-esteem: Do you both feel good about yourselves? Do you have a life of your own?
Jimmy Buffett
When you can answer these questions positively, you are on the right track. You can start the second phase of the relationship, the one of love. The intense feelings of passion and excitement will be taken over by happy feelings of safety and acceptation. The relationship will become closer and you will be connected even more. There is not reason why you should not live happily ever after.
Comments 3
I like that line from Jimmy Buffet. I totally ditto that
Posted 23 Sep 2009 at 11:17 pm ¶We’ve enjoyed reading these a day at a time.
Nice conclusion! The part about having a life of your own and feeling happy about yourself first really resonates.
Guys are more apt to want to keep some of their old life as they embark on a new one. Women seem to get so immersed in the new relationship that they tend get consumed. (this can be a major source of conflict! Keeping a balance is always the best way to go!
Some other important points. Religion, kids and politics should be discussed ahead of time, so it’s clear what you’re getting!! Like you said, trying to change someone even though they already told you where they stand is an exercise in futility!
Posted 25 Sep 2009 at 10:15 pm ¶Great post. Relationships are a lot of work. Its like weeds in the garden. You need to take care of the problems right away before the weeds (problems) take over.
Posted 15 Oct 2009 at 1:56 am ¶Post a Comment