One generation ago it was still daring to be a mother and have a job, not even to mention a thriving career. It was daring because these emancipated women had to endure a lot of criticism. Mothers should first of all be mothers and you did not ‘take’ children to outsource them to others. And even though I agree with the fact that motherhood is the most important thing in every mother’s life (or at least should be), I wonder why a woman cannot take on a job or career? Feminism gave us freedom of choice, but our own ambitions will give us what we want.
Simone de Beauvoir
In this generation more and more mothers have jobs and careers and the stay-at-home-mum often feels that she has to defend herself. Because she is not doing nothing all day long. If you want to take care of your children, and housework really well, it is a full-time job. Besides that, you have a husband that wants you to look nice and give him some attention in exchange for the money that he is earning.
Nowadays, most women choose to be a combi woman; women with a job and a family. And of course these women have to endure criticism from both sides. Working mothers with full time jobs do not have enough time to support their families, which results in divorces and derailed children. And part timers are wasting their education by spending half of the work week at home. It should not be that hard to take care of 1.86 children.
In USA and Europe about 55% of mothers with dependent children have a paid job (55% in the USA, 56% Europe wide, with high percentages in the UK (70%) and Scandinavia (72% in Norway and Denmark).
In Scandinavia a large part of the costs of public day care facilities is subsidized by the government, which results in the fact that more than half of the working women have a full time job. However, in most countries, working mothers have to find their own creative solutions. More and more women feel that they have to make a choice. We can see that the number of working mothers had its peak about ten years ago and being a stay-at-home mum is fashionable again. It is also getting more acceptable to be a childfree woman by choice. And as the Internet will prove to us, a new type of woman is on the rise: the work-at-home-mum.
For all the women; mothers who financially cannot afford to be a stay-at-home mother, women who consciously choose to be a combi woman, the childfree women and the work-at-home-mums, I’d like to give some advice:
- Let’s support one and other instead of criticizing women who made a different choice.
- Do not forget about yourself in favor of obligations towards employers, husbands, children and pets. Take time to relax sometimes.
- Do not feel guilty about your choice. Women are known for feeling guilty, but it is just a waste of energy. Rather focus on the fact that we are all super women and take on our responsibilities as best as we can.
- Make agreements with people around you, so you don’t have to defend your choice over and over.
Comments 3
Great post!
I thank God every single day that, although we can’t afford it, we still manage to squeak through, and that my husband is on board with allowing me to stay at home with the kids when they are young and babies. I personally could not leave them so young.
But that was for ME as much as it was for them. I think they’d be just fine left in capable hands. And there are plenty of women who are just not cut out to stay at home 24/7. They’d lose their minds. Working outside the home allows them to be sane for their families and strong role models to boot.
Some women just don’t have choice thrown into the equation. I feel sad for this case. God bless you for staying strong and doing what you need to do to support those that you love!
Posted 27 Dec 2008 at 9:27 pm ¶Hi Heather!
I like your blog and will hereby recommend it to my readers:
(Readers, check out Heather’s blog on “How to be a Woman”.)
Women of a century ago fought for the freedom of choice and now we have it. But the amount of choices is overwhelming. And one life is so short. Let’s make the best of it and support the people around us, so that they can support us again.
Posted 28 Dec 2008 at 10:40 pm ¶What a great post! I stayed home and raised both of my children. We gave up “stuff” but didn’t give up what mattered most, our children’s well being and our sense of family. I worked at home harder than I ever worked outside the home. I “cooked” 3 meals and 2 snacks everyday, all the laundry was done daily and my home was clean enough to eat off any surface. My children (now almost 30 and 31) are educated, successful, well adjusted adults that have no self esteem issues and have their priorities in the right places.
Posted 30 Dec 2008 at 6:01 am ¶The problems the world is experiencing now include this exact issue - we need to relook at our priorities.
Post a Comment