Every party, every office, every social event has it: a person walks in and all of a sudden all eyes are pointed to this person; charisma. Charisma is all that we find attractive in another person. It is not difficult for us to point out who has it and who doesn’t. But what it is exactly?
Charisma has many features, and it is not relevant which ones you have or do not have, or even important how many of the features you need to possess to be charismatic, because above all: Charisma is in the eye of the beholder. People are only charismatic if someone else says so. Typical features of a charismatic person are: clearly speaking, inspiring, sympathetic, confidence, successful, intelligent, trustworthy, attractive, honest, courageous, fascinating, convincing, natural and powerful. And even though we all possess a few of these characteristics, we aren’t all charismatic.
We do not always aware of a charismatic person, unintentionally we react to this person. This is because of our human needs. All people need affection and appreciation of other people. It is one of our basic needs after food and shelter. Charismatic people intuitively take advantage of this need. This is a very important characteristic. Just looking attractive on television or having a beautiful face does not make a person charismatic. The secret of a charismatic personality is the positive reaction other people have on this person.
Warren Bennis and Burt Nanus
Why are do some people seem to draw all attention without effort, while others will always be a wall flower? Even though you only have charisma in the eyes of others, you can influence it when you understand that it is mainly about posture, use of voice, attention and candidness. Charisma is most of all a way of communicating and in that field we can practice a few techniques.
Show yourself.
Start from a positive attitude and think that others have only good intentions. This way you can overcome feeling suspicious and radiating this feeling. Understand that people want to know you, or at least who you are. You do not invite people for a conversation if they do not show themselves. Don’t stand on the sideline but speak up.
Open yourself.
Approach others openly. Keep eye contact during a conversation. Do not avoid eye contact, and watch your body language. Crossing your arms or legs does not invite for conversation. Stand or sit casually and use a lively way of speaking.
Show interest.
Show others why you like to talk or do something together. Do not fake interest, but simply have it. Push yourself to listen attentively. Ask questions. Everybody loves to talk about themselves and loves it when people are genuinely interested.
Henry Van Dyke
Mirror consciously.
When you put a group of people together you will see that within a short period they use identical movements and expressions. This happens unconsciously, but is a great technique to boost your charisma. We all like people who copy our movements and you can use this in your advantage. Pay attention when people touch their hair, or take a sip of drink and follow them.
Practice positive body language.
Be kind, laugh, keep eye contact and if it is not unsuitable touch others. Be careful though, nobody likes a fake, and people recognize pretty easily when the laugh is not real, or the interest is fake. Also be careful not to make others uncomfortable with your body language. Some people like touching, hugging and embracing, while others do not feel comfortable participating in this behavior and might try to avoid you if you overdo it.
Remember names.
When being introduced to a dozen new people on a party, no one expects you to remember all the names. But people do really like it if you remember and use their names. So listen carefully when being introduced and repeat someone’s name or ask if you have heard it correctly.
Avoid arse kissing.
Does this need an explanation? Nobody likes a kiss ass. Be honest and open.
