Without Dash

A while ago I was reading an old article on Home School Blogger that touched me. This little extract in particular:

Mom began saying “son, now come on honey. Please, pick up your car and let’s go. Come on now, darling.” She was actually pleading with this child, begging him to obey her. Then it got worse. She began to whine at him “Honeeeeyyyy!! Mom has to get to the house and do some things. I neeeeed to go HOoooooommmmeee.” She whined and complained at him for a long time, and finally began to drag him away by his arms. He began whining and kicking. To a passerby, the mother commented “I really really hate it when he whines! It just drives me crazy.”

Reading this was like looking in a mirror. I have had this conversation many times with my own mum about my daughter. It goes something like this: “Mum, I really don’t know any more what to dooooo about aaaall that whiiiiiining.” And my mum answers something like: “Where do you think she got it from?” So, I figured that if I can’t make my daughter stop whining by whining to her myself, perhaps it is time to learn something about why I complain and how I can stop myself from complaining. And hopefully monkey sees, monkey does and my house will be whine-free.

After reading several sources on the topic I found that people do not necessarily complain because they are unhappy, but it is mostly a bad habit. We do it because we think that it makes us feel better. If we burden other people with things that bother us, making them feel bad, we end up feeling great ourselves. Isn’t it true? Joy that is shared is joy made double, and shared pain is half pain, or however the proverb goes. And there is nothing wrong with sharing your pains with friends and complain about something that bothers you, but it becomes a problem when you are overdoing it and nobody wants to share your problems anymore. You do not want to be labeled as ‘that person that always complains’. Other people do not want to be emotionally responsible for you.

There is also a difference between having a negative emotional reaction and complaining. If something bad happens, it is ok to feel bad about it. But complaining is dwelling on the negative. And as the Law of Attraction explains, reality is not causing complaints, but reality is reflecting complaints. In other words, the more you complain, the more you are asking for what you don’t want. Now, I’m half skeptical about the Law of Attraction, but do believe that if you smile, people will smile back. And if you give, you will get in return. So, I guess that if you complain and surround yourself with negative energy, you will not get much good from that, even if it just that label of being a complainer.

Complaining is also addictive. Even if you do not complain out loud, but within your own mind only, it becomes a habit that is difficult to stop. If you dwell very long on the negative aspects of something or someone, it just becomes more and more negative until you can’t stand it anymore. While if you stop this train of thought you might see that there are some positive aspects as well and it is not ‘that bad’ after all.

So, we should stop the bad habit of complaining. Especially in a time when people feel they have all reason to complain about the changing world (economy, mentality, morals, climate), but are still killing themselves by eating too much. You might think now that you don’t know how to stop thinking negatively. But if you accept that you are responsible for your own thought, you are halfway there. You have the power to change your thoughts, even the unconscious ones, because you are the conscious medium through which they flow.

If you keep holding on to your negative thoughts, your mind is going to get addicted to them. It will expect you to have negative thoughts and the negative stimuli of the neurons in your brain. Anyone stuck in a pattern of negative thoughts, like depressed people, can tell that is very hard to break that pattern. In fact, many people who enter this pattern will never escape it any more. Thinking negatively about yourself, because you are holding on to negative thoughts will only reinforce the pattern rather than break it. And after a while it is getting harder and harder to think positively.

If you are unhappy, know that you are creating this feeling and it has nothing to do with outside factors. If there is a problem that bothers you, take the responsibility to fix it. If you want something, you will have to achieve it by yourself. If you do not like your present circumstances, it is up to you to change it. But above all, realize that all the good things did not just happen to you, but that you are responsible for that as well. Good for you! Well done! Our emotional side needs caring, attention and a pat on the back. Do not seek to get it from others and let your emotions depend on other people. Learn to give it to yourself.

So, think again. What is it that you are complaining about? Do you want sympathy for creating this? Or do you want people to congratulate you for creating the things that you do want?

Tags: self improvement